• Sydney Robinson

Moving & Coming Out of the Introvert Closet

Hi guys so it's been a little while I know. Totally my bad, I mean sort of. I think its okay to just not post on social when you're living life. I personally am not that great at documenting life as it happens in the moment. I would rather be present in moments than have to think about how I am going to present this later on social media. SO my approach is like this - take some whimsical pics while shit is happening and then string them together to tell the story when you have a minute to sit down and breath.

And yea so now I am breathing. We moved last weekend and I just wanted a minute to settle in, take in the newness, and enjoy coming home to the love of my life after work every day. God, its been incredible. It's one thing to see the person you love a few days a week, but to come home to them after a long day of work is like pure fucking magic dude. 10 out of 10 would recommend.

We decided to move mainly because we were spending 90% of our gasoline tanks coming to visit each other every week anyways. We crave waking up next to each other, and just knew it was time. We had been through some really difficult things in our relationship, made it through stronger, and felt like this was the next step for us. And I have not had a single ounce of regret. As I am writing this we are currently both sitting on the couch we bought off Facebook marketplace for $80, one of my legs propped up on his shoulder and we are both typing on our laptops. Ahh, bliss. It's been a long time coming getting to this moment. This moment where things are quiet, we are happy, and we get to come home to family.

A few weeks ago, I spent a week sleeping on this tiny pallet in the floor of my old bedroom while we waited for our move in day to come. It was nostalgic really. It reminded me of when me and my little sister used to make pallets and tents in my parents' bedroom floor and sleep on them for three nights in a row even though we had perfectly good beds just down the hallway. We just liked being next to each other. And it was simple and fun. Sleeping on a similar pallet almost fifteen years letter put me in this reflective mood. I had been living in this beach apartment with roommates for almost two years now, had experienced some of the highest highs and lowest lows, and learned more about myself here than anywhere else. I learned while I lived there that it's okay to be my authentic introverted self, it's okay to say "no" when people ask you to go drinking on a Friday night and you'd rather read a book. The people who really love you will love you no matter how you spend your Friday nights. I learned how to be myself in that place because I had to.

And now, I am sleeping in this beautiful king sized bed, on a frame of wooden pallets, with a little green wreath hanging above my head in my new home. And I get to wake up to the love of my life and scratch his back every morning. I keep thinking, wow. This is what life is supposed to be. Simple. Filled with the simple kind of love, the kind of love that makes a home feel like a home, the kind of love that is long and daily and comforting. It also helps that I have become very consistent in my meditation practice, and getting more skilled at the art of letting go of feeling like I always need to be in control. And I feel like I brought that good energy into this place, and it helped set the vibes. I want people to walk in here and feel that "ahhh" feeling, like they can just leave all their worries at the door and know the Universe has their back. Granted, all I have is a couch and a rug in the living room right now, but hey. It's coming together. I am just happy to have a place to call my own. Home and home vibes have always been super important to me. I mean, that's the place where you dream, you know? You want that atmosphere to exude love and peace and joy so your dreams are good. My theme is neutrals accented with unfinished wood. I am already in love with the way it's coming together. Our bedroom feels like an oasis. I want there to be lots of plants (fake ones unfortunately because well bugs) because plants equal new life. I want there to be lots of light, books, cozy blankets and pictures on the wall that make you feel nostalgic. It's all in the works.

And meanwhile, while we've been moving in, I have been focusing on deepening my meditation practice, reading more books (currently on The Universe Has Your Back by Gabby Bernstein and Unlearn by Humble the Poet), and working my normal corporate job. Things have been quiet, and I like them that way. We recently had to take a behavioral test at work that that told us what our usual behavior, needs and interests are. It was called "The Birkmann Assessment" if you are interested. I think it's like $99 to take. But anyways my results came back, and guess what it said.. The Birkmann puts you in one of four color quadrants (yellow = process oriented, green = people oriented, red = action oriented, blue = thinker), and on a scale from introvert to extrovert. There are different shapes that represent your needs, behaviors and interests, and most peoples' shapes fell in different color quadrants. They were diverse. But guess where all of mine were... IN THE BLUE. And on the FARTHEST ON THE INTROVERT SCALE YOU COULD POSSIBLY GET.

I felt exposed. WTF? The funny part is that I had spent the majority of my college and thus far professional career (until about six months ago) trying to convince everyone including myself that I am an extrovert. But it was uncomfortable and exhausting. I imagine that must be similar to the feeling of trying to convince yourself you are straight when you are really gay. It's agonizing and makes me want to go to sleep for like 12 millions hours and never talk to people again. I guess that made me a closet introvert? But taking this test, and then having to share the results with my team and explain to them my motives behind answering certain questions the way I did was like coming out of the introvert closet. I said for the first time in public "I don't like going to concerts because there are too many people there" and it felt like complete fucking freedom. I used to be so ashamed that I felt that way. I guess because we at large tend to think introverts are weirdos. Or maybe I just thought that, and I thought I was a wierdo. Whatever. I said it and I am not taking it back. Taking that test has helped me understand myself so much more. It's given me vocabulary to be able to explain myself better to people, and it helped me understand why I react to certain people and their behaviors the way I do. I think I will write a post called "Coming Out of the Introvert Closet" or something like that soon. Yea, that sounds good. But I just wanted to mention it for now because man, it has just brought me peace. Like I sit on my meditation couch in the morning and feel at home in myself, and that has never happened before, to feel like I am my own home. That is a good feeling.

More to come on moving for sure. We furnished our apartment for less than $1000 so I am DEF going to do a post on where everything came from and what the inspo was.

Much love.